we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
