well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
