he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize