Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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