I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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