i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How does one acquire holy water?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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