Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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