Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want to fling myself into the sun
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
