I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
