My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
