I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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