I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
