i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
