Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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