if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
