Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize