just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Success! We fucked roommates!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
