My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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