never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
