Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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