Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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