Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
