considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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