So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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