it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
