My liver just broke up with me...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
