There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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