I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
