even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
