I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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