Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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