he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
