If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
