remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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