Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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