just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
