This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize