she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
