I can text with my tongue
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
