So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
