Did you just see the Batmobile???
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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