He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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