Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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