She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize