He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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