That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize