just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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