it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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