and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Randomize
