I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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