I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you will always have a special place in my vag
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
