Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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