it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
