i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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