Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
