I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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