btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
