apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
