final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
