i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
