And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
