I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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