every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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