I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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