My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize