there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
