you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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