If i come over, it means nothing
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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