Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
