even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
