i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize