Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize