My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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