The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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