I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He shit in the fireplace
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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