Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
