So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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