The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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