I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
