areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
