my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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