The maid of honor just puked.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize