At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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