Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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