I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
